A family-friendly adventure about animated guinea pigs working as top-secret spies for the U.S. government, shot in Disney 3D and voiced by big-time stars including Nicolas Cage and Penelope Cruz, ought to be funny and kind of cute, right? Would you settle for frantic and loud, with a few lame jokes inserted pertaining to Cruz's Spanish accent? The first 3-D film produced by Jerry Bruckheimer turns out to be similar to 2-D projects from the same noise-making producer—heavy on action scenes and heavy, too, on message: Everyone is special, family is important, and smashed-up stuff looks cool.
